The Announcement

This coming Sunday, May 5th, Orthodox Christians around the world celebrate Easter.  The Roanoke Ukrainian community will gather at 3rd Street Coffeehouse to celebrate with prayers, hugs and a ton of amazing home cooked Ukrainian food, keeping their culture and traditions alive.  I’m proud that they invited me to participate.  They are my friends, thanks to a Roanoke Times feature article written by Heather Rousseau in November of 2022.  It was about a young Ukrainian mother and her son who had arrived in Roanoke as refugees from the war.  That Christmas season, I met Jenya, her son Egor, and the rest of the local Ukrainian community.  That was the beginning of an amazing journey.

Soon, Jenya and Egor were joining my family for trips to hockey games, baseball games and Blue Cow Ice Cream. I spoiled Egor like a grandson, and Jenya let me.  I gave Jenya driving lessons, helping her to overcome deep-seated fear and achieve her goals for independence.  As the three of us came to know each other, a bond of trust developed.  I learned a lot about Jenya, Egor, Ukraine and their lives before the war.  We talked about their hopes and dreams to return to Ukraine, to rejoin her husband, mother, family and friends / fellow Ukrainians in fighting off the invaders.  There was laughter, tears and a whole lot of hope.

One day while driving around a parking lot with them, an idea hit me.  I told Jenya that I should write a book about them.  Proceeds from sales of the books could go to rebuild Ukraine and it would also help Americans understand that Ukrainians are just like us in so many ways.  She giggled and told me I was crazy.  I couldn’t argue the crazy part, but I told her that every single book in every bookstore started with someone saying “I’m gonna write a book”!  We both laughed pretty hard, but the idea didn’t die there.  You could say it was divinely inspired and those ideas are pretty hard to let go of.

In August of 2023, I drove Jenya and Egor up to Dulles airport for their return to Ukraine.  It was pretty tough emotionally, for all three of us.  In the fall of 2023, I sketched out an outline for the book and shared it with Jenya.  Since that time, I have been writing.  A chapter here and a chapter there, almost 40,000 words.  I interviewed many local Ukrainians about different aspects of Ukrainian culture and history, which I find fascinating.  Tad Dicken, a superb journalist and newspaper editor for many years, came onto the project as my editor and has really done a great job.  I’m pretty proud of the work that we’ve done. Jenya has provided a lot of critical information about her life before the war, her life under Russian occupation and as a refugee.  It's quite a story and one I look forward to sharing in the book.

Today, I’m proud to announce that by the time this Sunday arrives, the manuscript should be about 98% complete.  I’m ready for the next big step which is convincing a literary agent to back the project and help get a publication deal.  Getting the manuscript to this point is kind of a big milestone, one that I hope you’ll celebrate with me.  Hopefully, the agents and  publishers like it and it will serve the intended purpose of defending and rebuilding Ukraine. With luck, it will be on the bookshelves at your favorite bookseller before Christmas.  

Bobbo Bucks

As your President, I will be a man of the people, and a man for the people - unlike my distinguished (some might say "extinguished") major party competitors.  As such, I am going to do something on day 1 of my administration to improve your personal economy, and in doing so, give the U.S. economy the huge boost that it needs.  I’m talking about “Bobbo Bucks”.

Here’s how it works.  As President, I will be able to appoint the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.  You might have heard of them.  They are the ones who print and issue currency.  The guy I have in mind will work with me to make this happen for you. Because we want you to live well and not have to worry about money.

This country has a lot of bills.  You have a lot of bills.  What you and the government both need is more money.  Thus, on day 1, I will appoint my good friend, Gordon Gekko, Chairman of the Federal Reserve. I'll then direct him to print and distribute bazillions of Bobbo Bucks. Each of you will get a million Bobbo Bucks to take care of your personal debt or spend as you see fit.  Small businesses will receive a million Bobbo Bucks for each person that they employ.  Federal agencies and large businesses will receive Bobbo Bucks in direct proportion to how much they support my candidacy and help me get elected.

Of course we all know how slow the federal bureaucracy is. It might take awhile to crank up the printing presses and get them to you.  Realistically, it make take 6-12 months.  That’s why, if you need the extra help quicker, I’ve come up with a way to help you.  If you want to be able to pay your debts sooner, like the day that I’m sworn in, just send me $10 by August 30th, 2024 and I’ll send you a brand new $100 Bobbo Bucks that will be as good as gold on January 20th, 2025.  This is a limited time offer, so you’d better move quickly since I’ll be printing them out on my 10 year old HP personal printer, which ain’t the quickest.

See how that works?  You send me $10 in current federal dollars and I’ll send you $100 in Bobbo Bucks.  As a smart investor, you can see what a great return on your hard earned money that is. That's why I'll be a great president - I'll be doing stuff like that all the time, just as soon as I get my hands on the levers of power. Then, all you have to do is vote for me and hope everyone else does too. 

If you need more Bobbo Bucks to pay off your college loans, buy a new car or a new home, or maybe even retire, just send more money and I’ll fix you up with 10 times that amount in Bobbo Bucks.   It’s all about power (for me) and greed for you.  Like Gordon said in the 1987 movie “Wall Street”, greed is good.  It’s OK if you’re a little greedy - it will be our secret.  

Stand With Ukraine - A Call To Action

Normally, my blog posts lean towards humor and satire.  But today, I am completely serious and there isn't an ounce of humor or satire in any of this.  This is a call for action because these are serious times and this is a serious matter - close to my heart and to the values which I hold dear. I'll probably lose a few followers, maybe a lot.  So be it.  Some things are worth taking a stand for and this is one of them.  I hope that you'll stand with me and with the people of Ukraine, who desperately need our support.

I want you to copy and paste the words below into a letter with your name on it and send it to the Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson.  Then, like and share this blog post as far and wide as you can. Comment on it to, to help it go further and faster across the internet.  Do not wait, do not delay, do not pass go or collect $200.  Today is when you need to do this - right now preferably.  Literally, lives are on the line every day.  Democracy and freedom are on the line every day in Ukraine and all of Europe.  We all need to show the courage and guts to take action now.  Here's the letter:

March 4th, 2024

(Your Name)

(Your Address)

(Your City, State and Zip Code)

(Your Email Address)

(Your Phone Number)

The Honorable Mike Johnson
Speaker of the House 
H-232, The Capitol 
Washington, DC 20515 

Dear Speaker Johnson,

I am writing to urge you to bring the Senate bill approving the $95.3 billion aid package for Ukraine, Israel, and Taiwan up for a vote in the full House. As a concerned citizen, I believe this is a crucial step towards supporting our allies, safeguarding American interests, and halting the dangerous aggression of Vladimir Putin's regime.

It is important to note that a significant portion of this aid package will remain in America, contributing to our own economy and national security efforts. Furthermore, defeating Putin and his expansionist agenda is imperative not only for the stability of Eastern Europe but also for global security. Putin's flagrant disregard for international law and the atrocities and war crimes committed by Russian forces demand a strong and unified response from the United States and its allies.

Failure to act decisively risks the further escalation of the conflict, potentially drawing NATO allies into the fray and necessitating greater American involvement, both in terms of military personnel and financial resources. The consequences of such an escalation would be dire, not only for the region but for global stability as a whole.

By swiftly approving this aid package, Congress can send a clear message of solidarity with our allies and a resolute stance against aggression and tyranny. It is our moral obligation to stand with those who are fighting for freedom and democracy, and to oppose those who seek to undermine these values through force and intimidation.

I urge you to prioritize this matter and schedule a vote on the Senate bill without delay. The security and well-being of our nation and our allies depend on it.

Thank you for your attention to this urgent matter.

Sincerely,

A House Divided Cannot Stand

Many of you saw last month's blog post announcing my candidacy for the presidency of the United States, offering encouraging words of support.  I very much appreciate that and I feel your frustration with our current crop of so-called leadership, which includes the two or three major party candidates and both the congress and senate.  In my humble opinion, all of them should get out of the way and make room for someone who will cut past all of the partisan bullfeathers and get something done.  That would be me.

The biggest problem we have to solve in this country is the divisiveness we see everyday in all aspects of our society.  It tears the heart out of our democracy, allows our enemies to flourish and our allies to wonder what on earth we stand for as a nation.  You don’t have to be a Christian or a bible thumper to know that the most important advice for Government comes from the Gospel of Matthew.  “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.”   As your president, my number one focus will be eliminating all of this red-blue crap and finding people who are willing to put the country’s needs ahead of their parties' playbook for power and greed.  

On day one of my administration, I’ll issue an executive order declaring both major political parties a national disgrace and dismantle them.  Each and every elected official in congress and the senate who has disgraced his or her oath of office during their term of office will be tried, convicted and removed from office during my first week.  That should be about 90% of them.  There will be no appeal process and no golden parachute retirements.  They will be replaced by people who will actually take the oath of office and mean it.  No longer will we be represented by fat cat politicians who are only interested in enriching themselves and screwing over everyone else. 

As your president, I will report to the American people once each month on the progress the Congress makes passing bills to make this country actually work again across the board. I’ll be a bit like Ross Perot showing what got done and what didn’t get done.  That means a rising tide for everyone - no more of this insane partisan bickering, backroom deal making and partisan gridlock.  Since there will be no more of this red-blue nonsense, maybe we can begin to see ourselves as all red, white and blue and start treating each other with common decency and respect.  Yeah, it might take some getting used to, but maybe it’s time that we stopped tearing each other down and start building each other up.  That sounds pretty American to me.  We can work out our differences without acting like idiots.

America still can be the bastion of freedom and democracy that other countries envy and some fear, but it’s time for a serious gut check.  Nobody is going to look up to us or trust us if we continue to behave like idiots and can’t get along with each other.  We are better than that.  We can’t walk away from pressing needs like defending freedom in Ukraine and the rest of Europe.  We can’t call out others for bad behavior while our own house is a mess.  Let’s commit right now to the idea that we can’t win anything unless we are willing to fight for each other.

In the coming months, I look forward to debating the major party candidates on April 1st, if they have the guts.  The challenge has been put forth.  School teachers, first responders and active duty military will ask the questions and have a “bullshit” button to press that will cut off the candidates mics if they don’t answer questions in clear terms.  Jon Stewart will be the moderator.  If we can get them, we might hook up lie detectors just for fun.

I also want to have a series of rallies to speak more fully on issues like national security, climate change, the economy and the most important of all - education.  Let’s raise our kids to be the kind of people that we should be.  Let’s empower them with knowledge.  Let’s give them a fighting chance to run this country and this planet better than we have.  So help me God.

Alert The Press - Big Announcement!

After deep consideration this morning and 2 full mugs of coffee, I have come to an important decision, for myself and for my country.  On this, the first day of 2024, I’m proud to announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America.

Among the current field of major party candidates, I believe there is room in the field for a less divisive candidate, who is young (at heart) and strong in opinions.  Nobody has accused me of being too old (except my kids and grandkids) and the only crimes that I have committed are murdering a song or two and perhaps over-indulging a time or two while in college (honestly, I don't recall).  My record is clean, as I have released no records, tapes, CD’s or digital downloads on any platform.

They Tell Me I'm Crazy - I'm Running For President!

I will admit that I have been considering a career change for several years and the time seems right for me personally, and for the country. We both are ready for a change.  But why should you vote for me as opposed to Trump or Biden?  These are the ideas and values that I stand for and you can hold me to them throughout my campaign and term in office.

First of all, one of my first and highest priorities will be to clean up politics and make being a servant of the people respectable again.  After all, who would encourage a child these days with the words “yes, you too can be President”?  Who would even wish that on a child?  On day one of my Presidency, I will sign an executive order declaring that no candidate for any office at any level shall accept or use any foreign money or anything of value, from other than U.S. citizens.  Neither shall any candidate spend over $2,500 in total on their campaign and campaigns will be limited to two weeks prior to the election.  That’s right folks, we’ll be overturning the Citizens United court decision that allowed so-called “dark money” into our political system.  Also, as a prerequisite for any office, a qualified candidate must first have spent at least four years in one of the following professions:  Teacher, social worker, nurse, Emergency Room doctor, active duty military or first responder.  No one may be elected to any office in the land unless they are less than sixty years old on the first day of their term of office.  No one will serve for any reason if they are beyond sixty five years of age at the end of their term of office.

My economic policy will be that every American who is able to work will be able to make a living wage and not be taxed on the first $100,000 of income every year.  Those who are unable to work because of age, physical or mental disability, will be provided adequate and clean housing, nutritious food and medicine and all amenities required to live productive and full lives. Professional sports salaries will be capped at $100,000 per year unless they agree to donate any additional salary to schools and other community support agencies.  Tickets to all sports events will be capped at $10.00. Teachers, artists of all genres, social workers, active duty military and first responders will be paid a minimum of $1 million dollars per year.  Remember the dark money we took out of politics?  This is one of the places we’ll be using it.  I never said we’re getting rid of dark money, we’re just going to redirect it to better uses.

My social policy is that all people are born equal in the eyes of God, so they shall be treated as such under my administration.  Every one of us deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.  The Statue of Liberty will once again hold up her light to greet those from distant shores.  This nation’s strength has always been in our diversity.  For those who are concerned about letting potential threats come into our country, we will develop screening tools that are tighter than anything FaceBook uses to detect posts that violate community standards or that YouTube uses to detect possible copyright violations.  This ain’t rocket science.

My defense policy is that we will always maintain a strong national defense and support those countries who aspire to adopt our values.  We will always stand by our commitments and never walk away leaving an ally in the lurch.  How will we fund this, you say?  Dark money my friend.  There’s a ton of it.   Just look at our senators and congressmen right now - the best that money can buy.  They don’t represent you or me - they represent the thugs who bought them.  Think about that the next time that they do something or say something outrageous and an affront to basic values.  I won’t name names, but you know who I’m talking about.  

The biggest threat to civilization is climate change.   We must all work to overcome it.  Those who live in coastal areas will need help first.  In my administration, we will purchase their cars and property that will soon be underwater and replace them with nice modern houseboats and small speed boats for going to the store.  We will develop new technologies to offset carbon emissions and reverse the effects of climate change by moving the earth’s orbit further away from the sun by 50-100 miles.  This will be accomplished before the end of my first term through artificial intelligence (AI), funded by dark money.

These are the principles upon which I base my candidacy and which I ask for your vote.  Of course I’ll need a great Vice President and I invite you to submit your resume or someone you’d like to nominate in the comments below.

If you enjoy my posts, please hit the Follow Button to get new blog posts on or about the 1st of every month.  Please leave a comment to let me and others know if you liked it or have a similar experience.  And please, don’t forget to vote!  It’s really important!

I Just Want To Dance - A Christmas Story

Jenya and Egor enjoying the party (photo by Heather Rousseau)

“It was an absolutely amazing event and so many people in the community came together, and there was so much happiness and so many tears and so much surprise, strangers dancing without a care in front of each other….” 

                                     Text message from Heather Rousseau 

“I just want to dance”. That was Jenya’s texted response when asked for ideas for the Christmas party that 3rd Street was planning, to welcome her and her son Egor to Roanoke. Earlier, we’d asked “if they could use any Christmas love and support to replace whatever they had left behind in Ukraine.” She suggested a couple of really inexpensive toys for Egor and added, “she didn’t need any presents for herself, but she just wanted to meet some new friends.” They had come a few months earlier as refugees from the war in Ukraine. A new country. A new language. A new culture. And, if that wasn’t enough, her homeland and all that she loved, had been invaded and occupied by the brutal Russian army. It had to have been overwhelming. 

In December of 2022, the Roanoke music, business and Ukrainian  communities, came together to hold a Christmas party at 3rd Street Coffeehouse. The vision was clear - throw a party, invite a bunch of young thirty-something’s with young kids and hopefully, Jenya could meet a few new friends. Add in a few kids and some games, and maybe Egor makes new friends too. 

Jenya and Egor represented all of the Ukrainian people who had been brutally attacked by Putin and his Army. The Christmas party was one way, maybe the only way, that we could personally show our support for the Ukrainian people. We all felt like this was way more than just a Christmas party and it was. There were adults, kids and maybe even a few pets for all that I know. It was a multicultural, multi-ethnic, mixed bag of pizza, games, dancing (with a DJ), Santa and Mrs. Clause and lots of presents. And, there was more than enough love and laughter to fill the hearts of all who were there that afternoon. 

Egor and friends (photo by Heather Rousseau)

It was perhaps the best Christmas party that ever was, at least the best I’ve ever been to. Complete strangers came together to welcome Jenya and Egor to Roanoke and lift their spirits. Businesses donated food and all sorts of gifts. Volunteers jumped in at every step (major thanks to Heather, Aspen, Alice, Mike, Forrest, Dan & Addona and probably 20 others). It came together as though a higher power was guiding all of us - kind of a Christmas miracle. It was also the first time that I ever met Jenya and Egor along with Anna, Travis and Emmett, the small family that Jenya and Egor were living with. Anna and Jenya went to college together and Anna introduced Jenya to her cousin Maksim, whom Jenya went on to fall in love with and marry (nice work Anna). 

In true miracle fashion, life-long friends and relationships were formed that day. Egor and I connected with high fives and winks, which led to hockey games, baseball games, ice cream trips and fishing. He’s the bonus grandson I never knew that I had. Jenya became the bonus daughter I didn’t know I had, and I became a bonus Dad for her. They’ve both been a real blessing to my life, even now, after they returned to Ukraine last August. 

That day, I also made a lot of new Ukrainian friends, whom I have since become close to. Each of them have an amazing story and a deep love for their homeland. They've enriched my life in countless ways. Many of them were just learning English that day, but it didn’t matter. Love is a language that everyone knows, as is the spirit of Christmas. Meeting them and getting to know them has taught me a lot about their culture and values, but maybe more about myself. We’ve shared laughter and tears on many occasions as they endure the hardships of war and adjusting to life in America. They’ve welcomed me into their community, and that is both humbling and a huge blessing. Last Christmas we had the best Christmas party ever, without a doubt. I’ll remember it as long as I live. I think a lot of others will too. Maybe Jenya said it best: 

A miracle happened to us yesterday! We plunged into the atmosphere of love and kindness, which was presented to us by the inhabitants of the #Roanoke city. People whom we did not know and never saw surrounded us with care and support. They showed how they support our country and our people. We are delighted with this evening, there were treats, gifts, surprises, games for children, children's laughter, there were tears and a moment of silence for Ukraine, there were new acquaintances and feelings of care and support. Thanks to all the people who passed and gave us gifts, for postcards and kind words. Thanks to our new friends. This day will remain in my memory forever. Happy Merry Christmas and New Year for everyone. With love, our family. 

                Jenya Shulym, partial Facebook post, Dec. 18th, 2022

If you've enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it with your friends and hitting the blue "Follow" button.  This Christmas season, please keep Ukraine in your thoughts and prayers.  The war still rages on.  Please consider leaving a comment below, especially Christmas greetings for Jenya and Egor.  

Charlie The Singing Catfish

I must have the strangest group of friends in the world.  Among my best friends are talking and singing critters including Jiminy Cricket, Billy the Bullfrog, Cindy Cicada (who plays the blues), and a pacifist spider who just wants to buy his kids shoes and teach them how to dance.  This past summer, I made a new acquaintance; a talking and singing Catfish named Charlie.  All of them have helped me out with various songs that I write, but I really think Charlie has more personality than the rest of them combined.  On top of that, he has a heart for kids, which I really admire in a fish.

I met Charlie over the summer during a fishing trip with my buddy Egor from Ukraine.  Egor was eight years old at the time and wanted to go fishing in the worst way.  Maybe I should clarify that.  He wanted to go fishing and actually catch something.  Boy, do I know what that feels like.

Egor spent a few weeks in Minnesota this summer, vacationing on a lake full of fish, who evidently were quite shy when it came to biting his hook.  He tried and tried to catch a fish, but there was no cooperation, so he came back to Roanoke fishless and frustrated.  I’ve been there a few times too.  But I knew I had to try to change his luck, so I asked his mom Jenya if I could kidnap him for a day.  She said OK, and we planned a certain day in early August. It was supposed to be a secret, just in case the weather was bad or I had to cancel.  

The day before the fishing trip, we had several inches of rain. That meant all of my usual fishing holes on Smith Mountain Lake would be a muddy and debris filled mess - not the best for fishing.  I went to pick up Egor across town and he was ready for action.  We drove down to the far southern end of the lake, where the water would be clear.  I didn’t know any good honey holes, with big fish to catch, on that end of the lake.  On the way out to the lake, Egor and I sang “bug songs” - the ones I like to write.  He knows all the words and loves to sing.  That boy has good taste in music.

I own a little red, old school fishing boat, possibly the ugliest thing on the lake (if you don’t count my truck).  Egor didn’t mind a bit, so we launched it off a public boat ramp at the crack of 11 AM.  The sky was robin's egg blue, the sun was hot and the steady breeze was kicking up some pretty big surface waves. In other words, perfect conditions for a fishless afternoon.  Undeterred, we started the motor and took off.  There wasn’t a bit of shade to be found and the wind was blowing us off every spot I tried.  I needed a plan.  My plan was to pray. 

I prayed - “Lord, please let Egor catch a fish.  Any fish will do, even tiny Bluegill.”  With the boat rocking wildly from huge waves, I looked at Egor and said “we need to try fishing off a dock”.  There was a little set of docks at the State Park.  It’s totally illegal to fish off them and I knew it.  Sometimes, you have to ignore the law and put all of your faith in God.  We tied up the boat and cast our bait into the only patch of shade on the lake that day.  And just like that, God served up a miracle.  

Myself with Egor and Charlie the Catfish
Summer 2023, Smith Mountain Lake, Virginia

That was the day we first met Charlie the Catfish.  He was the second fish of the day and, at about 4 pounds, the largest.  Charlie pulled so hard that Egor thought he’d rip the fishing pole right out of his hands!  We fought that fish with all of our strength and it took at least 5 minutes to pull him in.  That’s when God served up another miracle - my wife Denise and her iPhone.  She just happened to be at the park, heard all the commotion and raced over to get most of it on video (click here to watch).  As Charlie finally came up to the top, I told Egor “That’s Charlie The Catfish!”  The name stuck and Charlie and Egor got to meet.  After we exchanged greetings, I put Charlie back in the water to swim away and perhaps come back someday.  No one could ever have had more fun than Egor and I that day, and that’s no fish story!

Egor and Jenya went back to live in Ukraine a few weeks after that, to rejoin their family and defend their country.  I hope that the war soon ends and they can rebuild their lives and country.  I hope Egor and I get a chance to go fishing again.  He turned nine years old a few weeks ago and, as a present, Charlie and I got together and wrote him a birthday song.  You can listen to it here.  As it turns out, old Charlie really knows how to sing and dance.  He’s quite a fish.

If you’ve hung with me this far, thanks.  Please consider liking or sharing this post and hitting the blue FOLLOW button to receive new posts, typically one per month.  If you have a similar experience, or other thoughts, please leave a comment for Jenya, Egor or myself.  I’ll be sure to let you know I’ve seen it.  One last thing - please pray for Ukraine.  There’s a lot of good people just like Jenya and Egor and they deserve our prayers and support.