Friday, October 4, 2024

Vote for Me in 2024 - Special Counsel Edition!

 


For those who have been following along, my independent run for President really started to pick up steam in the last month as the two major party candidates seem to be locked in a deathmatch and people want to change the channel and see what else is on.  Many have turned to my campaign, especially after I was bit by a radio-active spider and acquired some Spiderman-like powers (see my September blog post for more on that).  


In any case, I knew as soon as my popularity and visibility increased, I’d be getting pressured to bow out.  It was expected, just not the way it has happened.  I figured that the major party candidates would put out some AI generated fake video of me doing something embarrassing or maybe Rudy Guiliani endorsing me.  But no, that wasn’t their approach.  Instead, a couple of big, burley FBI agents showed up last week and requested a blood sample for DNA analysis.  Seeing as they had guns and badges, and I fully support law enforcement, I said fine.  


The next thing I know, I get a call from the Department of Justice to inform me that the DNA testing showed positive results for radioactive spider-like mutations of my XYZ chromosomes.  I said so what?  The constitution only requires that I be a natural-born citizen of the United States, be at least 35 years old, and have been a resident of the United States for 14 years.  The shadowy voice on the phone said, not so fast Spiderguy, the congress just passed a new amendment to the constitution requiring that presidents can’t be mutants.  My head was spinning.  Who would think those guys could ever agree to such a thing?


Now, the word on the street is that Attorney General Merrick Garland is about to appoint a special counsel to investigate all of this - some guy named Norman Osborn and his assistant, a guy named Mephisto. Together, they supposedly make Jack Smith look like a pussy cat. There’s gonna be an announcement from Garland in the coming days and a big long investigation.  Maybe a couple of state indictments too.  And if I don’t play ball, I might get spirited away to Guantanamo Bay where I’ll make my web in a tiny cell for the next 20 years.  Crikey mates…   What to do?  Maybe I should pack up my web and take a political commentator job on some cable channel.  I guess we’ll see.


So, if any of this comes to pass before the election, I hope that you’ll vote for the candidate that you believe will best defend the our constitution and democracy.  Vote for the candidate that defends liberty and justice, not just here, but around the world - places that are far away where people yearn to live their lives in peace and be free (Slava Ukraini!).  Vote for the candidate who will reject murderous dictators and evil regimes.  And always, and I mean always, defend the right to hold free and fair elections with no intimidation or violence.  By doing so, you will be honoring my campaign and my legacy, and that is even better than being elected President!  


If you’ve come this far, you are probably aware that I post both humor and serious stuff and you have to sort it out.  Please leave a comment letting me know that you enjoyed it (or maybe not), and any similar experiences you’ve had.  You may know others who enjoy this sort of thing and, if so, I invite you to share it with them.  


If you'd like to leave a comment, but you get an error message, it's probably because you have your browser set to reject 3rd party cookies. The solution is to select "anonymous" where the window says "comment as". Just leave your name or initials if you want to let me know who you are.  Thanks for reading this!

Sunday, September 1, 2024

Campaign Update - The Spider Chronicles (Labor Day Edition)



Well, it’s almost Labor Day – the traditional start of the election campaign season.  At least it used to be, before the major parties decided that presidential campaigns essentially never end.  In any case, you may have noticed that I don’t play by their rules.  Either way, I thought I should update you on the status of my own campaign for the highest office in the land and plans for the fall. There’s good news, and more good news.

It's been a great summer for my campaign. I’ve been modeling my plan for being president, with great success. It’s been incredibly smooth. No hiccups, no drama, no need to constantly raise your stress levels through divisive policies or crazy campaign rallies or obnoxious and offensive remarks. I’ll bet you haven’t heard a thing about me in the news media all summer. Think how nice that would be for the next 4 or 8 years. No stress, no drama, no problems. Good government should be like your furnace or plumbing – it should just work, and you shouldn’t have to think about it.

I have had several successful campaign events which included well attended twice monthly guitar pulls on top of Mill Mountain and 3 or 4 trips to Blue Cow Ice Cream with my wife Denise. People have been very supportive, especially for my choice of Triple Berry Crisp at Blue Cow. As your president, I pledge to always make wise choices, especially at the ice cream parlors all across this great nation.

The highlight of my summer was an unexpected campaign boost a couple of weeks ago as I was cutting my lawn. I felt something crawling under my shirt, a quick sting, and then escape out the back collar of my t-shirt. I swatted it away and never even saw it. A day or two later, my arm looked like somebody hit it with a hammer and was pretty sore. I took a picture of it and sent it to my buddy Tom, who has also been my allergist for years.  I said “hey Tom – what the heck bit me”?

He quickly responded that it was a spider bite. Not just any spider bite - it was a radioactive spider bite (Tom graduated from the Marvel Comics School of Medicine). He said I would no doubt soon have super powers and texted an image of Spider Man to make it clear what he was talking about. His diagnosis gives me great confidence about my campaign and upcoming presidency.

I’m not even going to wait to be elected to try out my new super powers. Starting Tuesday, I’ll cast my interweb net over those who support divisiveness and hatred in America. I’ll use my powers to help them see that a house divided cannot stand (full credit to Jesus & Abe Lincoln). My web will be thrown over the big businesses and foreign money that currently buy and sell politicians like trading cards and return the power of the vote to the citizens of this great nation. The hallmarks of my administration will be freedom, democracy and equal justice for all, not just here in America, but around the globe. Major party candidates who lack these super powers won’t stand a chance in November. They should probably just concede the election and endorse me now.

As President, I’ll use my super powers to enhance our foreign policy, building strong alliances and partnerships with other nations. I’ll appoint the Avengers to the State Department and direct them develop multilateral approaches to global challenges, such the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East. I’ll use my Spidey Sense to neutralize dictators and all of their weapons of war and converting them into new technologies for peace and prosperity of all mankind. My administration will prioritize aiding countries facing crises such as recovery from war or natural disasters. I’ll increase foreign aid budgets and lead efforts to address global issues like poverty and hunger using Bobbo Bucks, which I previously addressed in my blog back in April.

My domestic policy will implement comprehensive crime prevention programs. This will include increased funding for education, job training, and community outreach initiatives to address the root causes of crime. I’ll use my Spidey Sense to break up drug cartels and organized crime, turning them all into first class day care centers and educational centers for young parents and those who wish to retrain for new careers.  I will boost funding for scientific research and development and encourage STEM education and innovation in fields like clean renewable energy, and medical research. We will reduce inequality and promoting social justice for all, with initiatives to address wage disparities, improve access to healthcare, and combat discrimination. And yes – we will conquer cancer, addictions and depression.

There will be no webs of deceit and justice for all will be the cornerstone of our democracy. No one, not even I, will be above the law. Those who attack our nation with lies and deceit will pay the price for their evil ways.

These are my pledges to you as individuals and as we, the people. Tell your friends and neighbors that we are on the brink of a new era of peace and prosperity.  God bless our troops, and God bless our nation and world. Don’t forget to vote – it all depends on you.

If you’ve come this far, you are probably aware that I post both humor and serious stuff and you have to sort it out.  Please leave a comment letting me know that you enjoyed it (or maybe not), and any similar experiences you’ve had.  You may know others who enjoy this sort of thing and, if so, I invite you to share it with them.  

If you'd like to leave a comment, but you get an error message, it's probably because you have your browser set to reject 3rd party cookies. The solution is to select "anonymous" where the window says "comment as". Just leave your name or initials if you want to let me know who you are.  Thanks for reading this!

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Group Therapy


Boy, the past
30 days have been exhausting and stressful for most Americans
. The presidential debate and post-debate handwringing. Trump’s assassination attempt and subsequent hand wringing. The republican convention and all the ear bandages. Biden’s out, Harris is in. The two hottest days in recorded history. Israel. Gaza. Iran. Ukraine. Something about cat ladies. Facebook hackers. Homelessness. It’s all pretty stressful and can make a person miserable. All of which is why I highly recommend group therapy. It helps to balance out all the insanity in the world.
 

So, what is group therapy?  For me, it’s gathering atop Mill Mountain with my therapy team about twice a month for a couple of hours. We share songs, pointless stories, and meaningful hugs. We don’t talk about politics or social issues (though they may come up in a song). We don’t talk about whatever is frustrating or irritating us. The whole point is to leave that baggage behind and focus on what we love - the music. Allow me to introduce you to my therapy team (in no particular order). 

Alan is a Grateful Dead and Blues aficionado. He is soft spoken and eloquent but plays blues guitar like a man possessed. He also knows how to add the most elegant lead licks imaginable when backing up another therapist. He had some health challenges last year but seems to have beat them and we are all grateful for that. His girlfriend Nancy always brings cookies for the group and together, they bring calm and joy to everyone. 

Louann is a life lesson on overcoming adversity. She played cello in high school and, after 50 years of not playing, picked it back up and uses it to bring joy to others. She has been through surgeries, falls, broken bones, and other assorted challenges, but always overcomes and brings sweet songs to every therapy session. She reminds us that while life has its challenges, you can use music to overcome a lot of them. 

Mirna is our sweet singing, classical guitar playing, Latino mom, who often brings sweet Spanish folk songs from her native Bolivia when she is not covering Gordon Lightfoot. I usually have no idea what the Spanish words are, but I could listen to her for hours. Even the birds are jealous when she is singing.  

Bill is our original hard core New York folkie with a fistful of stories and original songs that we all know by heart and sing along with. He used to live in a monastery, and then lived and worked with Pete Seeger for a while before he arrived in Roanoke. When he’s playing, he puts everything he has into the song and people from all around get into it. He still goes out and plays festivals occasionally, but mostly focuses on his charity, which provides musical instruments to kids who couldn’t otherwise afford them.  

Mona just took up playing about a year ago and writes these incredibly funny and emotional songs about learning who we are and accepting ourselves, even if we aren’t quite perfect. I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone who works so hard at their music, and she always puts a smile on everyone’s face. 

Sue is another one who just took up music and playing. She lost her husband a couple of years ago and moved to Roanoke to start over. She teaches all a lot about starting over and overcoming life's challenges with music. 

Keith is an amazing singer-songwriter and performer and brings equal amounts of humor and respect to every therapy session (when he doesn’t have a gig). Sometimes people who perform at the highest levels don’t like to spend time with others of lesser experience or talent. That’s not Keith. As good as he is, he always nurtures and respects the rest of us and amazes us with his talent. 

Aspen is another touring pro who has won numerous songwriting and performing awards and spends a lot of time driving around the country playing and performing. When she’s around, she’s always around encouraging the others and usually revealing some new gem she’s working on. 

Lynn is an artist and likes to show up with her pad of paper and water colors. She paints wonderful portraits of people in therapy, singing and playing their hearts out. If you get a portrait of yourself from Lynn, it’s always a joyful honor and timeless keepsake of what’s really important. 

Then there is the mountain itself. Mill Mountain to be specific. Right in the middle of Roanoke, with the world's largest man-made star and two large decks overlooking the Roanoke Valley and looking westward to the ridgeline of mountains where the Appalachian trail is. There’s nothing quite as beautiful as watching the sun set over those mountains while playing music and telling stories with your therapy team.  

They are my core therapy team, and they help keep me grounded and functional. Of course, there’s many others who join us from time to time. They all bring something special to help us find the joy in life and charge the batteries before we get back to the daily grind. I don’t think that I could do it without them! 

If you’ve come this far, you are probably a songwriter or, at the very least, a serious music lover. Please leave a comment letting me know that you enjoyed it (or maybe not), and any similar experiences you’ve had. You may know others who enjoy this sort of thing and, if so, I invite you to share it with them. If you'd like to leave a comment, but you get an error message, it's probably because you have your browser set to reject 3rd party cookies. The solution is to select "anonymous" where the window says "comment as". Just leave your name or initials if you want to let me know who you are. Thanks for reading this!

Monday, July 1, 2024

A Request For The City Of Roanoke

 

John Prine Street Sign
in the Old Town section of Chicago, Illinois

Sometimes, when the world and national news get a little too bizarre to deal with, we all need to take a mental break and think about something fun and happy. Thus, an idea occurred to me the other day. It was an idea born in fun, but also an idea that honors one of the great songwriting legends of our time — John Prine. We need to name a street for him. I’m thinking of the section of Mountain Avenue that runs between 3rd Street and Franklin Road. The part that goes right in front of 3rd Street Coffeehouse.

John Prine has particular significance to me, and many others in our local community. Back in the early seventies, I first heard his music.  John’s first album, released in 1971, includes classics such as “Paradise”, “Angel From Montgomery”, “Sam Stone” and the immortal “Hello In There”.  Every song on that album was a songwriting masterpiece.  I was totally addicted to his music and remain so today.  John is legendary when it comes to both his ability to craft amazing lyrics and create images everyone can relate to.  

"God bless this kitchen, said the knick-knack shelf.
The dinner's almost ready, go and wash yourself.”  

Kris Kristofferson said “If God's got a favorite songwriter, I think it's John Prine.” I fully agree.

Back in January of 2019, I decided we needed to bring John to 3rd Street Coffeehouse, or at least give it our best shot. I organized an old fashioned letter writing campaign among the 3rd Street faithful. All I had to do was give them John's address at Oh Boy Records and say “write a letter telling John what his songs have meant to you, and how they’ve affected your life. Then ask him to come to 3rd Street Coffeehouse”. Everyone told me I was crazy and that it would never happen. But, they wrote letters. Their friends wrote letters. Their dogs and cats wrote letters. One day in April, I got a phone call from Eileen Tilson, John’s VP of Marketing and Promotion. She said that they’d received hundreds of letters from John’s die-hard fans in Roanoke and were coming on November 2nd. It was the best John Prine show I’ve ever seen, and I’d seen a lot of them.

John and his band showed up that night and within a few months, he was gone from COVID. But he left all of his music behind, and we still play it in open mics, song circles, front porches and anywhere else where songs are sung. His songs lift our spirits and heal our souls in troubled times. They show respect for everyone, especially the lost and the lonely. That deserves recognition. That deserves something lasting, something permanent. A street sign that says “John Prine Way” would be a fine and lasting tribute. C’mon City of Roanoke... How about it?

If you’ve come this far, you are probably a songwriter or, at the very least, a serious music lover.  Please leave a comment letting me know that you enjoyed it (or maybe not), and any similar experiences you’ve had.  You may know others who enjoy this sort of thing and, if so, I invite you to share it with them.  

If you'd like to leave a comment, but you get an error message, it's probably because you have your browser set to reject 3rd party cookies. The solution is to select "anonymous" where the window says "comment as". Just leave your name or initials if you want to let me know who you are.  Thanks for reading this!


Saturday, June 1, 2024

Nashville

 

Group Pic of Songfood Workshop - May 2024
Photo by Tracy Lynn

Long post warning.  Yep.  This may take a minute or two to read.  But there’s no other way for me to tell the story correctly and if you love music, you’ll get it.

For a long time, I’ve wanted to attend one of Darrell Scott’s Songfood Songwriting Workshops. It’s pretty much been a bucket list thing for me.  Darrell is a master songwriter, musician, and performer; pretty much Nashville royalty.  I’ve met him and his wife Angela several times over the past 5 or 6 years and always asked when the workshop would be.  He hasn’t done one since before COVID.  Awhile back, I received the word that he was doing a workshop in May.  I’m not getting any younger, so I took the plunge.

I’m a very average songwriter and the Music Row guys in Nashville aren’t exactly beating a path to my door.  My songs will never dominate the airwaves or sell millions of copies.  I write songs in special categories such as “bug songs” or “catfish songs”, mostly for kids.  Occasionally, I write more serious songs too.  I hoped that I could somehow fit in with the far more skilled songwriters I knew would show up at the workshop.  There was eager anticipation, balanced with certain feelings of “imposter syndrome” as I made the drive to Nashville.

Part of the fun of the trip was staying with Nashville friends Shawn and Amy Byrne and their 6-year-old son Arlo.  Arlo is a super smart kid and a ton of fun to be around.  Shawn is a great songwriter, performer, music producer and like a kid brother to me.  He really hit the jackpot when he married Amy.  She’s an amazingly fun person, great mom and rising superstar in the business world with her mad marketing skills.  I loved getting to hang with them while was in town.

On Monday morning, I drove to Darrell and Angela’s house for the workshop.  It was way cool that they held the workshop in their home.  I carried my guitar in and met my new family for the next 4 days – my tribe, so to speak.  Darrell had prepared a great breakfast for everyone, which made it easy for us relax and get to know each other.  It was easy to see that it was a really talented group of songwriters, and everyone came with a ton of positive energy and gratitude to be a part of the workshop.  Darrell, his wife Angela and son Abraham, were perfect hosts and everyone seemed relaxed and ready to really work on their craft of songwriting with the master, Darrell.  

I settled into an old brown recliner with worn out springs and a broken back.  Darrell told me that the original owner of the chair had been Owen Bradley.  Along with Chet Atkins, Owen was a key player in creating the “Nashville Sound” in the 1950s and 1960s. Bradley produced country greats such as Ernest Tubb, Burl Ives, Red Foley, Kitty Wells, Patsy Cline, Brenda Lee, Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty.  That chair had a ton of country music mojo and I could feel it.

Darrell shared his philosophy that the best songs are the ones that engage the listener on a deeply personal level.  He doesn’t write songs to Nashville formulas for chart busters.  We were there to go much deeper in our writing, to explore emotions and vulnerability, because that’s where the great songs are.  He said we’d start by going around the room with each of us introducing ourselves, sharing what we wanted to get out of the workshop and playing our most vulnerable song.  I was about 6th from the start, so I had time to think about what I’d play.  

One person after another introduced him or herself and then play a song they were working on, or felt was an example of their writing in a vulnerable way.  Darrell would give them feedback.  Shorten this. Lengthen that. Cut something else.  His message was always to listen for what serves the song and the song will tell you.  Don’t add another verse when you’ve already finished the story.  Like a laser, he’d dissect a song and figure out what’s working and what’s not.  He’d explain why he thought as he did, and it always made perfect sense, at least to me.  Each of us got maybe 20-30 minutes of feedback on our writing.  We all soaked up a ton of wisdom listening to Darrell talk about the songs.  

When my turn came, I played the song I had written most recently, called “Jenya’s Song”.  I’d received good feedback on it from my local songwriter group, but I thought that it still needed something.  What it needed that day was a better voice, as my allergies were kicking in.  I croaked it out as best I could, knowing that it was far from my best.  When I finished, I said I should have capo’d up to a higher key.  Darrell agreed and asked me to put the capo on the 5th fret and try again.  I did so, and after the song, I looked at Darrell for the verdict, expecting “add this, cut that, do something else”.  Instead, he looked at me and said, “that song is done, don’t do a thing to change it”.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.   

That night, and for the next few nights we held group song circles in Darrell’s living room led by Darrell’s buddy, Britton Morgan.   Everyone brought their best stuff and we really had fun together.  I played my bug and catfish songs, and my Roanoke County Jail song, and everyone laughed at all the right places.  The creative juices were really flowing, and we all seemed to feel like old friends.  It was magic.  That night, I stayed up late with Shawn, watching him fix a vocal track he had just recorded for some guy in L.A.  

Over the next two days, we finished up the first round of song critiques and started a second.  We also talked about co-writing, and I mentioned that I found co-writing to be a challenge, as my best songs always showed up late at night, right before I fall asleep.  The goal for Wednesday was to write a song to be performed with Darrell and recorded on Thursday, the final day.   That seemed like a pretty tall order as sat in Owen Bradley’s chair and was fading fast from too much fun and not enough sleep.  My eyelids felt like 50-pound bricks as I tried to stay focused on the workshop.  Just as I was about to lose the battle, I felt a familiar tap, tap, tap on the window of my brain.  It was a new song telling me “I’m here and I’m not going to stick around for long - whatcha gonna do about it?”  

Songwriters know that when a song shows up like that, you don’t ignore it - you grab a pen and paper and write.  You also do your best to ignore the world around you, because good songs seldom come back once they leave.  Everyone in that room probably knew what was going on and left me alone with my nascent song as it came into the world.  It was an old-school Nashville country tune, about a guy who uses work to escape life’s troubles.  It wasn’t my usual groove at all and certainly not the pop country that you hear on the radio.  The Owen Bradley mojo was working, and I should probably give him co-write credit on the song.  

When we took our lunch break, I went out on the back porch and invited a couple of folks to look it over and refine it.  Before long, there were 4 strong verses, but no chorus.  All that it needed was a chorus and it would be ready for the next day.  After the day’s session was over, I did what seemed natural for a songwriter.  I drove to Kroger, bought some cold chicken, and went out to the car to find the missing chorus.  A phone call derailed the hunt for the chorus, but the chicken served its purpose.

That night, we were treated to a songwriter’s round at Darrell’s house with three outstanding songwriters - Beth Neilson Chapman, Bill Miller and Darrell.  I invited Shawn and his friend Charlie to join us.  It was a memorable Nashville night for all of us.  Late that night, I arrived back at Shawn and Amy’s house.  I still needed a chorus, but the urge to pick a few with Shawn and pass out around midnight prevailed.  In the morning, I opened my eyes, took a shower, and the chorus came to me as easy as pie.  Against all odds, I had a new song to record with Darrell.

I arrived at the house for the last day, where we’d all perform our new songs and be accompanied by the master.  The names were put in a hat, and with luck of the draw, my name was drawn for the first slot.  I was thrilled, as I knew many of my fellow writers would bring killer songs that I wouldn’t want to follow.  I was fresh and ready to go.  I sat down next to Darrell, who had a mandolin in his hands.  The sound engineer, John, placed the mics and got the recording levels set up.  I played through once to show him what I had.  He made a few small suggestions, and we did it again with the recording going.  I was a bit froggy, but still happy to have made it through the song without murdering it too badly.  We tried to improve on it with a 3rd recording, but I got lost in Darrell’s mandolin break, because he’s so insanely good.  I had to give up the chair for the next writer, but everyone cheered - the ice was broken!  If you promise not to judge, you can see the video here https://photos.app.goo.gl/WyEVhGDo2oqJYXj69

The rest of the day, I sat back and enjoyed the wonderful vibes as each writer brought one killer song after another until all had achieved a decent recording.  We finished up with my new friend Becky bringing a great new song that cried out for a chorus of background singers (think “We Are The World” from years ago).  With Darrell leading us, the entire group provided the chorus and we all felt like we had climbed the tallest mountain of our songwriting careers.  After we were done, we all enjoyed some of Darrell’s terrific chili that had been simmering all week, shared many hugs, a few tears, and the feeling that we’d become lifetime friends.  

As I drove home, I tried to wrap my brain around the entire experience.  It was way more than I expected – part therapy, pay revival, a whole lot of bonding and the feeling that I just climbed a mountain with people who started out as strangers, and we all became friends for life.  I hope that I get to go back someday and certainly would recommend it for anyone else who like to write songs.

If you’ve come this far, you are probably a songwriter or, at the very least, a serious music lover.  Please leave a comment letting me know that you enjoyed it (or maybe not), and any similar experiences you’ve had.  You may know others who enjoy this sort of thing and, if so, I invite you to share it with them.  

If you'd like to leave a comment, but you get an error message, it's probably because you have your browser set to reject 3rd party cookies.  The solution is to select "anonymous" where the window says "comment as".  Just leave your name or initials if you want to let me know who you are.


Tuesday, April 30, 2024

The Announcement


This coming Sunday, May 5th, Orthodox Christians around the world celebrate Easter.  The Roanoke Ukrainian community will gather at 3rd Street Coffeehouse to celebrate with prayers, hugs and a ton of amazing home cooked Ukrainian food, keeping their culture and traditions alive.  I’m proud that they invited me to participate.  They are my friends, thanks to a Roanoke Times feature article written by Heather Rousseau in November of 2022.  It was about a young Ukrainian mother and her son who had arrived in Roanoke as refugees from the war.  That Christmas season, I met Jenya, her son Egor, and the rest of the local Ukrainian community.  That was the beginning of an amazing journey.

Soon, Jenya and Egor were joining my family for trips to hockey games, baseball games and Blue Cow Ice Cream. I spoiled Egor like a grandson, and Jenya let me.  I gave Jenya driving lessons, helping her to overcome deep-seated fear and achieve her goals for independence.  As the three of us came to know each other, a bond of trust developed.  I learned a lot about Jenya, Egor, Ukraine and their lives before the war.  We talked about their hopes and dreams to return to Ukraine, to rejoin her husband, mother, family and friends / fellow Ukrainians in fighting off the invaders.  There was laughter, tears and a whole lot of hope.

One day while driving around a parking lot with them, an idea hit me.  I told Jenya that I should write a book about them.  Proceeds from sales of the books could go to rebuild Ukraine and it would also help Americans understand that Ukrainians are just like us in so many ways.  She giggled and told me I was crazy.  I couldn’t argue the crazy part, but I told her that every single book in every bookstore started with someone saying “I’m gonna write a book”!  We both laughed pretty hard, but the idea didn’t die there.  You could say it was divinely inspired and those ideas are pretty hard to let go of.

In August of 2023, I drove Jenya and Egor up to Dulles airport for their return to Ukraine.  It was pretty tough emotionally, for all three of us.  In the fall of 2023, I sketched out an outline for the book and shared it with Jenya.  Since that time, I have been writing.  A chapter here and a chapter there, almost 40,000 words.  I interviewed many local Ukrainians about different aspects of Ukrainian culture and history, which I find fascinating.  Tad Dickens, a superb journalist and newspaper editor for many years, came onto the project as my editor and has really done a great job.  I’m pretty proud of the work that we’ve done. Jenya has provided a lot of critical information about her life before the war, her life under Russian occupation and as a refugee.  It's quite a story and one I look forward to sharing in the book.

Today, I’m proud to announce that by the time this Sunday arrives, the manuscript should be about 98% complete.  I’m ready for the next big step which is convincing a literary agent to back the project and help get a publication deal.  Getting the manuscript to this point is kind of a big milestone, one that I hope you’ll celebrate with me.  Hopefully, the agents and  publishers like it and it will serve the intended purpose of defending and rebuilding Ukraine. With luck, it will be on the bookshelves at your favorite bookseller before Christmas.  


Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Bobbo Bucks


As your President, I will be a man of the people, and a man for the people - unlike my distinguished (some might say "extinguished") major party competitors.  As such, I am going to do something on day 1 of my administration to improve your personal economy, and in doing so, give the U.S. economy the huge boost that it needs.  I’m talking about “Bobbo Bucks”.

Here’s how it works.  As President, I will be able to appoint the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.  You might have heard of them.  They are the ones who print and issue currency.  The guy I have in mind will work with me to make this happen for you. Because we want you to live well and not have to worry about money.


This country has a lot of bills.  You have a lot of bills.  What you and the government both need is more money.  Thus, on day 1, I will appoint my good friend, Gordon Gekko, Chairman of the Federal Reserve. I'll then direct him to print and distribute bazillions of Bobbo Bucks. Each of you will get a million Bobbo Bucks to take care of your personal debt or spend as you see fit.  Small businesses will receive a million Bobbo Bucks for each person that they employ.  Federal agencies and large businesses will receive Bobbo Bucks in direct proportion to how much they support my candidacy and help me get elected.


Of course we all know how slow the federal bureaucracy is. It might take awhile to crank up the printing presses and get them to you.  Realistically, it make take 6-12 months.  That’s why, if you need the extra help quicker, I’ve come up with a way to help you.  If you want to be able to pay your debts sooner, like the day that I’m sworn in, just send me $10 by August 30th, 2024 and I’ll send you a brand new $100 Bobbo Bucks that will be as good as gold on January 20th, 2025.  This is a limited time offer, so you’d better move quickly since I’ll be printing them out on my 10 year old HP personal printer, which ain’t the quickest.


See how that works?  You send me $10 in current federal dollars and I’ll send you $100 in Bobbo Bucks.  As a smart investor, you can see what a great return on your hard earned money that is. That's why I'll be a great president - I'll be doing stuff like that all the time, just as soon as I get my hands on the levers of power. Then, all you have to do is vote for me and hope everyone else does too. 


If you need more Bobbo Bucks to pay off your college loans, buy a new car or a new home, or maybe even retire, just send more money and I’ll fix you up with 10 times that amount in Bobbo Bucks.   It’s all about power (for me) and greed for you.  Like Gordon said in the 1987 movie “Wall Street”, greed is good.  It’s OK if you’re a little greedy - it will be our secret.  


Vote for Me in 2024 - Special Counsel Edition!

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