My Ukrainian Daughter & Grandson

I’ve always said, “if God wants you to have children, they’ll show up”.  It doesn’t really matter what stage of life you’re in and they don’t always come the natural way.  They just show up in your life and you don’t know how or why.  You just accept that it's God’s will and open your heart, because after all, you can’t argue with God.  He wins every time.

Late last November, I opened the Sunday newspaper to find a front page feature article about Jenya Shulym and her eight year old son, Egor.  They had fled their home in Russian occupied territory near Ukraine's Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant, where Jenya and her husband Maksim worked and lived with Egor.  There was a picture of Jenya and Egor arriving at Dulles and their U.S. Sponsors, Anna and Travis.  Their escape from Ukraine would rival any movie plot for sheer danger and peril.  I looked at the picture thinking “that could be any one of my daughters”.    

Being Christmastime, it seemed the entire city was indulging in holiday spirit.  Stores, restaurants, bars and even tiny coffeehouses were filled with people spending money after two years of COVID lockdown.  It was unlikely that Jenya and Egor would have much if any Christmas.  That didn’t seem right.  I reached out to the article’s author, Heather Rousseau, and asked if 3rd Street Coffeehouse could maybe buy a few presents.  Heather asked Jenya, who suggested a couple of very inexpensive stuffed animals for Egor.  She didn’t want anything for herself other than this - she just wanted friends.  That was all - she just wanted friends. 

Meeting Jenya and Egor
Photo By Heather Rousseau

Christmas Dance Contest
Photo By Heather Rousseau

Jenya’s simple request for friends resulted in a series of events.  It was either God calling the shots, or maybe as Jenya thinks, her deceased father watching over her.  We planned a little Christmas party at the Coffeehouse for her and Egor and the whole community jumped on board.  At least 20 people and a dozen or so businesses stepped up with food, music, games, presents and a ton of love.  Jenya and Egor walked in the Coffeehouse that  day with Anna and Heather, Santa and Mrs. Clause, and about forty or fifty others.   It was the first time we met and we celebrated Christmas like no other Christmas I can remember.  It was total joy and fun from start to finish.  Afterwards, I told Jenya and Anna that they were my Ukrainian daughters.   Jenya had tears of joy in her eyes and later wrote on her Facebook page that it was a Christmas miracle.  I had to agree.

Egor and I With A Nice Bass From Smith Mountain Lake
Photo by Denise Schmucker

Egor and I connected immediately.  He didn’t know much English, but with a couple smiles and high fives, we both knew that we were destined to be buddies.  He loves dancing as much as I do, and both of us love singing and making up silly songs.  Most of all, we both love sports of all kinds and pizza at Gracie’s in Grandin Village.  Around mid-March, Jenya and Egor joined my family for a minor league hockey game, their very first.  Neither of them knew anything about hockey, but they were hooked immediately.  Loud and crazy crowds, and home team wins, made them instant fans - all the way to the championship. Jenya posted the video below the next day (because she has crazy good video skills).  As the weather warmed, we switched the Salem Red Sox baseball games, Blue Cow ice cream trips and fishing.  I was in full-on Grampa mode and having a ball with Egor.

Jenya didn’t drive and made it clear at the start, that wasn’t going to change.  She said it in a way that meant it wasn’t up for debate.  It needed no translation.  I picked them up for hockey games and, over time, our car conversations went from happy talk and culture questions to more serious topics, like family back home, hopes, dreams and aspirations.  She talked a lot about her husband Maksim, her mom, grandmother and sister.  I told her about Denise, Chris and our three daughters and grandkids. One night I asked about her Dad.  She softly told me that he had died suddenly when she was only sixteen, and her grandfather passed shortly afterwards.  Their passing left her with feelings of tremendous sadness and loss.  It was heartbreaking to hear.

Over time, a closer bond of trust developed.  One day, Jenya asked if I would teach her to drive.  I knew it was a very sensitive topic for her and it took a lot of courage for her to even ask me.  I said sure, I’ve taught all of my kids to drive and half of their friends.  She warned me that she’d never ever sat behind the wheel and was terrified that she’d crash my car.  I assured her that all of my kids survived my teaching them how to drive, and so did their friends.  I also realized how important that bond of trust was to her.  

Driving lessons started and gradually progressed from awkward starts, stops and turns to increases in skills and confidence.  Egor was often along with us, and a constant source of encouragement for her.  They have been through a lot together and he knows just how to give her the confidence to get through something scary.  He is mature beyond his years in many ways, but also knows how to be a sports loving, ice cream loving kid.  Before long, I was taking pictures and videos of Jenya driving, for her to share with her family back home.  In Ukraine, there was a lot of excitement and encouragement.  In Roanoke, fear turned to confidence, then fun, and big smiles on Jenya’s face.  Somewhere in the laps around those parking lots, I know her father was smiling down on her.  We both felt it.  It was as real as a spring breeze.

As spring turned into summer, Jenya was really missing her home and family in Ukraine.  She had hopes of Ukrainian victory by mid-summer, and a return to her family.  We spoke honestly of the realities of war and often, there were silent tears over the immense difficulties and challenges that were faced. I told her I’d support any decision she made, but inside, my fears for their safety were on high alert. She bought tickets for a mid August flight and shortly after that, the Kakhovka Dam near her home was blown up.  In the horrors of that event, her longing to return to home and family grew even stronger.  It was clear that both she and Egor were returning home.  Egor backed up her decision 100%.

Family Picture at a Salem Red Sox Game
Photo by Chris Schmucker

As the days and weeks ticked down, this newly realized family bond matured and grew even stronger.  We talked, we laughed, and tried hard to squeeze the most fun we could out of the time left.  Denise, Chris and Kaleigh joined the fun several times and we all shared hopes and dreams for the future.  Jenya gave Denise and I beautiful hand stitched vishivanky shirts made in Ukraine. On departure day, Denise and I showed up at Anna and Travis’s apartment for coffee and a couple parting gifts.  Amid many tears and hugs, the bags were loaded in my trunk and we started one last drive up to Dulles International Airport.  Along the way, we quietly talked about memories, hopes and dreams; of families and bonds, and promises for the future.

We had a final meal together and said heartfelt goodbyes in a quiet and tasty restaurant near the airport. Jenya had tears in her eyes and Egor comforted her, saying Mom, don’t cry.  I softly told him it’s OK to cry, when it comes from the heart.  From there, I drove a short distance to the airport to drop them off with one final hug.  I was sending them back to Maksim and the rest of her family, back to their home.  

One Last Time at 3rd Street
Wearing My Vishivanky Shirt That Jenya Gave Me
Photo by Lena Kuhfawl

I’ve always said, “if God wants you to have children, they’ll show up”.  It doesn’t really matter what stage of life you’re in and they don’t always come the natural way.  They just show up in your life and you don’t know how or why.  You just accept that it's God’s will and open your heart, because after all, you can’t argue with God.  Maybe it was God that brought our lives together, maybe it was Jenya's father.  Whoever, and however, we're all grateful it happened.

If you’ve hung with me this far, thanks.  Please consider liking or sharing this post and subscribing to receive new posts, typically one per month.  If you have a similar experience, or other thoughts, please leave a comment for Jenya, Egor or myself.  I’ll be sure to let you know I’ve seen it.  One last thing - please pray for Ukraine.  There’s a lot of good people just like Jenya and Egor and they deserve our prayers and support.