A House Divided Cannot Stand

Many of you saw last month's blog post announcing my candidacy for the presidency of the United States, offering encouraging words of support.  I very much appreciate that and I feel your frustration with our current crop of so-called leadership, which includes the two or three major party candidates and both the congress and senate.  In my humble opinion, all of them should get out of the way and make room for someone who will cut past all of the partisan bullfeathers and get something done.  That would be me.

The biggest problem we have to solve in this country is the divisiveness we see everyday in all aspects of our society.  It tears the heart out of our democracy, allows our enemies to flourish and our allies to wonder what on earth we stand for as a nation.  You don’t have to be a Christian or a bible thumper to know that the most important advice for Government comes from the Gospel of Matthew.  “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.”   As your president, my number one focus will be eliminating all of this red-blue crap and finding people who are willing to put the country’s needs ahead of their parties' playbook for power and greed.  

On day one of my administration, I’ll issue an executive order declaring both major political parties a national disgrace and dismantle them.  Each and every elected official in congress and the senate who has disgraced his or her oath of office during their term of office will be tried, convicted and removed from office during my first week.  That should be about 90% of them.  There will be no appeal process and no golden parachute retirements.  They will be replaced by people who will actually take the oath of office and mean it.  No longer will we be represented by fat cat politicians who are only interested in enriching themselves and screwing over everyone else. 

As your president, I will report to the American people once each month on the progress the Congress makes passing bills to make this country actually work again across the board. I’ll be a bit like Ross Perot showing what got done and what didn’t get done.  That means a rising tide for everyone - no more of this insane partisan bickering, backroom deal making and partisan gridlock.  Since there will be no more of this red-blue nonsense, maybe we can begin to see ourselves as all red, white and blue and start treating each other with common decency and respect.  Yeah, it might take some getting used to, but maybe it’s time that we stopped tearing each other down and start building each other up.  That sounds pretty American to me.  We can work out our differences without acting like idiots.

America still can be the bastion of freedom and democracy that other countries envy and some fear, but it’s time for a serious gut check.  Nobody is going to look up to us or trust us if we continue to behave like idiots and can’t get along with each other.  We are better than that.  We can’t walk away from pressing needs like defending freedom in Ukraine and the rest of Europe.  We can’t call out others for bad behavior while our own house is a mess.  Let’s commit right now to the idea that we can’t win anything unless we are willing to fight for each other.

In the coming months, I look forward to debating the major party candidates on April 1st, if they have the guts.  The challenge has been put forth.  School teachers, first responders and active duty military will ask the questions and have a “bullshit” button to press that will cut off the candidates mics if they don’t answer questions in clear terms.  Jon Stewart will be the moderator.  If we can get them, we might hook up lie detectors just for fun.

I also want to have a series of rallies to speak more fully on issues like national security, climate change, the economy and the most important of all - education.  Let’s raise our kids to be the kind of people that we should be.  Let’s empower them with knowledge.  Let’s give them a fighting chance to run this country and this planet better than we have.  So help me God.

Alert The Press - Big Announcement!

After deep consideration this morning and 2 full mugs of coffee, I have come to an important decision, for myself and for my country.  On this, the first day of 2024, I’m proud to announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America.

Among the current field of major party candidates, I believe there is room in the field for a less divisive candidate, who is young (at heart) and strong in opinions.  Nobody has accused me of being too old (except my kids and grandkids) and the only crimes that I have committed are murdering a song or two and perhaps over-indulging a time or two while in college (honestly, I don't recall).  My record is clean, as I have released no records, tapes, CD’s or digital downloads on any platform.

They Tell Me I'm Crazy - I'm Running For President!

I will admit that I have been considering a career change for several years and the time seems right for me personally, and for the country. We both are ready for a change.  But why should you vote for me as opposed to Trump or Biden?  These are the ideas and values that I stand for and you can hold me to them throughout my campaign and term in office.

First of all, one of my first and highest priorities will be to clean up politics and make being a servant of the people respectable again.  After all, who would encourage a child these days with the words “yes, you too can be President”?  Who would even wish that on a child?  On day one of my Presidency, I will sign an executive order declaring that no candidate for any office at any level shall accept or use any foreign money or anything of value, from other than U.S. citizens.  Neither shall any candidate spend over $2,500 in total on their campaign and campaigns will be limited to two weeks prior to the election.  That’s right folks, we’ll be overturning the Citizens United court decision that allowed so-called “dark money” into our political system.  Also, as a prerequisite for any office, a qualified candidate must first have spent at least four years in one of the following professions:  Teacher, social worker, nurse, Emergency Room doctor, active duty military or first responder.  No one may be elected to any office in the land unless they are less than sixty years old on the first day of their term of office.  No one will serve for any reason if they are beyond sixty five years of age at the end of their term of office.

My economic policy will be that every American who is able to work will be able to make a living wage and not be taxed on the first $100,000 of income every year.  Those who are unable to work because of age, physical or mental disability, will be provided adequate and clean housing, nutritious food and medicine and all amenities required to live productive and full lives. Professional sports salaries will be capped at $100,000 per year unless they agree to donate any additional salary to schools and other community support agencies.  Tickets to all sports events will be capped at $10.00. Teachers, artists of all genres, social workers, active duty military and first responders will be paid a minimum of $1 million dollars per year.  Remember the dark money we took out of politics?  This is one of the places we’ll be using it.  I never said we’re getting rid of dark money, we’re just going to redirect it to better uses.

My social policy is that all people are born equal in the eyes of God, so they shall be treated as such under my administration.  Every one of us deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.  The Statue of Liberty will once again hold up her light to greet those from distant shores.  This nation’s strength has always been in our diversity.  For those who are concerned about letting potential threats come into our country, we will develop screening tools that are tighter than anything FaceBook uses to detect posts that violate community standards or that YouTube uses to detect possible copyright violations.  This ain’t rocket science.

My defense policy is that we will always maintain a strong national defense and support those countries who aspire to adopt our values.  We will always stand by our commitments and never walk away leaving an ally in the lurch.  How will we fund this, you say?  Dark money my friend.  There’s a ton of it.   Just look at our senators and congressmen right now - the best that money can buy.  They don’t represent you or me - they represent the thugs who bought them.  Think about that the next time that they do something or say something outrageous and an affront to basic values.  I won’t name names, but you know who I’m talking about.  

The biggest threat to civilization is climate change.   We must all work to overcome it.  Those who live in coastal areas will need help first.  In my administration, we will purchase their cars and property that will soon be underwater and replace them with nice modern houseboats and small speed boats for going to the store.  We will develop new technologies to offset carbon emissions and reverse the effects of climate change by moving the earth’s orbit further away from the sun by 50-100 miles.  This will be accomplished before the end of my first term through artificial intelligence (AI), funded by dark money.

These are the principles upon which I base my candidacy and which I ask for your vote.  Of course I’ll need a great Vice President and I invite you to submit your resume or someone you’d like to nominate in the comments below.

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